Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
