the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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