South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Randomize
