we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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