she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
