Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Dicks are not precious.
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