you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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