Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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