Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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