I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
