I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
