I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
