I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
