He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
