Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
