It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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