Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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