forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
