i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
