I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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