dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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