Moan for me like Helen Keller
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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