Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
