your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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