dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
