I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
