I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
