It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
