Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
