Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
