I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
