yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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