so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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