Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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