one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
