my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
