i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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