So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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