he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
