I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
