I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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