Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
