Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
