I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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