Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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