The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Hippo gnu deer
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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