wrigley field is MILF paradise
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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