your thong is hanging out like whoa
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
