Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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