so that wasnt chicken after all
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
