I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
