Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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