if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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