I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
