Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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