im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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