you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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