I have demons in me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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