I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I FOUND THE LEGS
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
