mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
