there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
