god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
