hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
