I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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