Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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