About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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