All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
