I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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