i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
