I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
