so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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