i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
