My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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